“Well well well…I’m finally here” she says, slamming the gates of hell open before sitting on the throne. “Now what’s the wifi password?”
After months of being asked and then continuously ~politely~ reminded to contribute to Elle Does Stuff by the boss L herself (because asking me to retain information in my short-term memory…and lets be honest, my long-term memory as well, is like asking a leg amputee to join you in a three legged race) – here I am.
Who am I? Well I’ve been previously referred to in this blog as ‘The Evil Assistant’, but you can just call me ‘A’. Or The Evil Assistant works fine. Or just Evil. I can be pretty evil, but like…not EVIL evil. Not like 45th President of the United States evil, more like a Karen Walker from Will & Grace evil, you know? Anyway, I am the younger and prettier half in this sibling – Beauty Appreciation Club – duo.
Here’s what you need to know about me:
- I’m the proud single mother of a beautiful 10 year old girl named Helga. She is the light of my life, my source of inspiration, and the reason I get out of bed every morning. I work hard so that her tummy can be full, and her bed fluffy and warm. Also, she’s a cat.
- I have six years of previous experience in the beauty industry, but I don’t consider myself a guru nor a whizz. I kinda know what I’m doing and talking about here, but there’s always new things out there to learn, especially since social media has boomed and you can literally learn everything about anything your heart desires. Like, did you know it’s estimated that there are 22,000 species of ant? You’re welcome.
- While Elle appreciates and prefers a more natural and simple approach to makeup personally, I am the rightfully proud Queen of the Cake Faces. Some days I love being makeup-free but I also liiive for that high coverage foundation and fake tanned life, honey. Her and I are very similar in most ways yet the complete opposite in appearance and ‘taste’, but that is highly beneficial in regards to obtaining different perspectives of ride or die products in my opinion.
- Cracking sarcastic aka bad jokes takes up most of my time and energy.
- I’m not familiar with the concept of having a fashion sense. Unless of course by fashion you mean $7 Kmart leggings and a plain black tee, then you can call me Anna Wintour.
- I’m quite fond of home and beauty DIY projects. Bloody love a good DIY. Watch this space.
- I’m a closeted science and astronomy nerd. Talk to me about the universe or the periodic table and I’ll probably marry you on the spot. My morbid fascination with death and solving difficult puzzles and riddles has pushed me towards a Bachelor in Forensic Science majoring in Molecular Biology, which I’ll be starting mid-2017, but in the meantime I’ll be gracing you with my presence here.
- If I were on death row, my final meal would be a cheese toastie, a pot of black coffee, and a shot of tequila.
- If there was only one image on the internet I could choose to describe myself, it would be this:
Well that is me for now so I bid you adiós. It has been a pleasure – I hope it was as good for you as it was for me. Now that this is all over and done with and I’ve finally introduced myself, I guess I’ll see you in another few months time! Kidding. But stay tuned for my first instalment coming soon, which will be an addition/part two of Elle’s previous “Whyyyyyyyy??!: [Beauty] Products I Regret Buying” post!
Peace out, fam.
– A aka The Evil Assistant aka Evil.